Stubborn. Changes. Embarrassment
I am struggling to write this post only because it is hard sometimes to be honest with yourself and others. This weekend was not great. Quite frankly it was hard. I smile all the time and make sure everyone is aware that life is great. Big anniversary coming up…ignore the signs, it will go away that’s my philosophy.
Unfortunately life unfolds. This weekend I had a shift with my DBS and Dystonia. What happenned? Why? We may never know but I have to say this time I couldn’t ignore the tremors, the limp, all of it….there, shaky, me.
As I am writing this, I am embarrassed to admit I am human, to admit I had to have friends take care of me, to admit that sometimes I am stubborn and to admit I have dystonia. I was so angry this weekend. It wasn’t in outlook 🙂 My friends were amazing, they all pretended they didn’t see the symptoms. Things are better now but I am still a little embarrassed.
This week’s blog was supposed to be about how my parents raised me to be a strong person…as my mom always said – I don’t know where you got the strength and courage to go to school in North Carolina, go to Wall Street and kick butt and go to Stanford … sometimes my strength is also my downfall…thinking i can will away a disease or beat it…I can’t will this one away but I should learn to work with my limitations.
This may be one of the hardest blogs I have written to admit I am human, to admit I can’t plan it all. To admit I had to rely on others to take care of me. Matt, Liz, Stan – you are all winning – the jokes, the conversations, pretending not to see me shaking and the support…thank you for making me feel “normal”.