April 12, 2011

Stubborn.  Changes.  Embarrassment

I am struggling to write this post only because it is hard sometimes to be honest with yourself and others.  This weekend was not great.  Quite frankly it was hard.  I smile all the time and make sure everyone is aware that life is great.  Big anniversary coming up…ignore the signs, it will go away that’s my philosophy.

Unfortunately life unfolds.  This weekend I had a shift with my DBS and Dystonia.  What happenned? Why? We may never know but I have to say this time I couldn’t ignore the tremors, the limp, all of it….there, shaky, me.

As I am writing this, I am embarrassed to admit I am human, to admit I had to have friends take care of me, to admit that sometimes I am stubborn and to admit I have dystonia.  I was so angry this weekend.  It wasn’t in outlook 🙂  My friends were amazing, they all pretended they didn’t see the symptoms.  Things are better now but I am still a little embarrassed.

This week’s blog was supposed to be about how my parents raised me to be a strong person…as my mom always said – I don’t know where you got the strength and courage to go to school in North Carolina, go to Wall Street and kick butt and go to Stanford … sometimes my strength is also my downfall…thinking i can will away a disease or beat it…I can’t will this one away but I should learn to work with my limitations.

This may be one of the hardest blogs I have written to admit I am human, to admit I can’t plan it all.  To admit I had to rely on others to take care of me.  Matt, Liz, Stan – you are all winning – the jokes, the conversations, pretending not to see me shaking and the support…thank you for making me feel “normal”.

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3 responses to “April 12, 2011

  1. Hang in there and don’t be embarrassed! In one way or another, we all walk around with that something that makes us feel out of sync and out of place. The key is to get to a place in your life where you feel comfortable in your own skin, knowing that you are valued and that you rock!

  2. you know seems like were always trying to fit back into society to try and feel normal with our limitations, but you saying ur human, ur not just a plain human being, your a role model to those with DYSTONIA you give people the motivation to wake up in the morning and say hey i have DYSTONIA but im going to go out and accomplish something, i know it gets hard i mean 16 dealing with this its a struggle…. but you running marthons for people now thats something noone or even DYSTONIA can take away from you, this diease cant do anything to the type of person you are, this diease only limits us physically and breaks us down emotionally is how i believe it works, i like to think god has a plan for us, making us examples in life, showing that we may not be able to function phyiscally right but we as people have the courage and strength to continue moving forward saying this diease may hold me back but willl never consume me as a person, so no carrie your not a human, your a role model to those like us, your a super star athlete that runs for something meaningful, you a good friend, and you have the strength to write all that about your self…. your a very bold women who has alot of heart

  3. Carrie — I see strength in your ability to see clearly and write honestly. Beautiful. Good on you.

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