Blog

NYC, I see you!!

Here I am, embarking on the last week of my marathon training and can’t believe I am doing this, running the NYC marathon.  I have been dreaming about this week my entire life and never really thought it would be a reality.  So many emotions – fear, panic, joy, gratitude, hungry, sweaty, tired and again thankful.   I had been nervous to write about it here, only because my training wasn’t perfect, but is there really a perfect training plan?

My team left this on my door last Friday and did you know Manhattan was that big?!?!  I will finish, I feel good about this.  I am not going for a time, I am going for my bling.  I will cry, I will cry some more and at the finish line I will bawl.  I tear up even as I write this currently.  Ever since May 2016, I started to believe in miracles.  I learned dreams come true, it just may not happen per google calendar!

I am ready, my nails will remind me that I trained and as it says, keep calm and just run.

I am a dystonia runner, I am a soon to be 2-time marathoner!

All my gratitude,

Happy 12th year to me.

Yet another year as part robot in the books. One of my co-workers recently renamed me Carrie Siu Bot and while it is funny, I truly do live my life as a “bot” – making sure I am charged and fully operational for maximum output!

My growth is always one to reflect on.  To appreciate.  To smile with gratitude.  I went to church on Easter Sunday and was reflecting on that Sunday pre-surgery asking God to get me through the brain surgery.  Fast forward 12 years and how quickly I forget to thank God every morning for the miracle he has given me.

I am more confident now in saying I am disabled. After 30 years of living with a rare disease, I have accepted.  With acceptance comes peace.  Once I got to a state of acceptance, I am okay introducing myself as someone who is disabled.  I always thought I had to work a little harder, be a little better than a “normal” person to prove that disabled people can too be successful.  I don’t think that anymore. I am just Carrie, doing the best I can do, being the best I can be everyday.

I recently started taking a mindfulness course and every morning I take 10 minutes and focus on what is good in my life.  As part of that practice I remind myself that I am truly living a miracle.  Despite having 2 surgeries – 2 new batteries in the course of 10 months, I still believe that DBS has been my miracle. So today, I reflect on what I have today, what I had in the past and can only think positively about the future.  The one thing I know for certain through this crazy part robot experiment, is that I am so thankful everyday for my family, my tribe and the miracle of modern science that I am able to be a spokesperson for such a rare disease and an advocate for medical research.

New City, New Job, New Apartment, DYING BATTERY!!

I try to balance the good and the bad of being part robot/terminator.  The good is that I run, I work out, I kick major butt…the bad – a declining battery.  Athough I have never had children, I compare life with a dying battery with childbirth, it’s a painful process but when you get better you forget what you went through because you are so happy!  But here we are turning 42 with an almost dead battery.  It’s been super hard.  My eyes are bad, I get headaches and I sleep alot….like alot!!!! And sadly last week had to stop working out…

Because I am stronger than I was several years ago, I have been very open about everything in my new life and everyone has been so understanding.  I tend to put so much pressure on myself to be the best, so to be reassured that you are already at your best has been truly wonderful!  For that I am so grateful!

Piece of me wants to be sad and feel sorry for myself but then the intelligent part of me reminds myself that this is going to be fixed very, very soon!  And that I will be back on the training plan!

Last night I told myself this is the universe giving me a very long period to rest.  Because when I get my new battery I will be coming back stronger and better!!! The lesson learned from all of this – don’t let your battery get so drained since it affects all aspects of your life, so go see your doc and get it checked!

I’ll be back soon…better and stronger!

 

Ouch, has it been that long since I have reached out and written…Life, gets in the way so often.  So, last year was a whirlwind, train, train, train and 2017 hasn’t brought the discipline I wished I had last year. The 4:30am runs, the endless miles and I am embarrassed to say that I have likely logged less than 15 miles all year!  But that’s okay.  This is life.  We never know what is going to be, we never know what that next day brings.  I often think of life with DBS no difference than life in general.  It happens, good and bad.

Realizing your battery will die sometime this year when you had all these trips planned, moving to a city, starting a new job can definitely overwhelming.  The first thing that I always do when I realize the time is coming near is to say when can I squeeze this surgery in.  Then I stop, pause, meditate and realize that getting a battery change is a forced pause, a reset, a new burst of energy, a way of remembering how lucky I am.

It’s been almost 11 years since the day that I had my entire life change and I will try and run 11 miles on April 4, because I CAN and because it reminds me how lucky I am.  If I can’t do 11, I will still do what I can, because my life is truly a miracle.  I will break down, I will be overwhelmed with emotions, because I still remember April 4, as clear as today.  I remember the smell of the drill in my skull, I remember the jokes, I remember promising my team if I was ever so lucky I would run a 10K, ha!  And look at me today over 10 halfs and 1 full and so many more to go!

So as much as some plans will be cancelled in 2017, I always have to remember the big picture.  I am an athlete, a runner, who everyone couple of years needs to get a battery change and you know what that’s okay.  Plans will always get cancelled, things will happen and I remind myself that’s the story of life.

I was born with Dystonia, rare neurological disease, which should have me in wheelchair.

In 2006, I was given the ability to run through science – Deep Brain Stimulation, aka brain surgery.

I became a runner through grit, perseverance, strength and sheer determination.

Today I truly said to myself – Carrie you inspire me.

After my brain surgery in 2006, I said my goal will be to run a 10K. Well here I am 10 years later and so many lessons learned and goals and PRs broken.

When I set out to retire from running several years ago, I had run 5 half marathons. 5 painful half marathons. 5 half marathons I trained for the wrong way.

Fast forward to 2016.  As of January 1, 2016, I have run 5 halfs with 3 more on the books for the rest of the year.  I have never enjoyed running so much as I have this year, so for 2 hours and 45 minutes today I thought about why?

1. I believe in myself. For the first time I realized, I won’t finish last. I won’t win. But I will get my bling.
2. I put the time in my training. I don’t rush it in 4 weeks, I have a plan with a run coach and I stick with it.
3. I sleep. A LOT. 8 – 9 hours is the goal.
4. I invested in a nutrition coach who listens to my goals and virtually coaches me to perform better through food. I may not always be on point but I try to be and the results show.
5. I try and eat as clean as possible.
6. I try to drink as least as possible.
7. I strength train.
8. I stretch.
9. I Ice.
10. I rest.
11. I found a tribe – a group of like-minded women that help me get out to run on the days I feel lazy and cheer my on when I succeed, did I say we don’t even live in the same state much less country.
12. I do my best at every race.
13. I listen to my body.
14. I smile with every step.
15. I enjoy the miracle of every moment and appreciate the miracle.
16. I love running, the wind in my face, my feet pounding the pavement and realizing every race is a dream come true.
17. I shed a tear at every race and just say thank you. Thank you to my family, thank you to my friends, thank you to my medical teams and just thank you to the Big Man above for giving me a second shot at life!

Today’s run I knew I wasn’t ready for and I didn’t push, I took my time, I enjoyed the scenery and just said hey it’s a training run and was just so full of gratitude.

Being happy in the moment is a new attitude for me.

Appreciating myself is a new outlook.

Truly realizing the gift I was given with the miracle of modern science and believing in myself, that’s what I call winning!

Half Marathon #4 of 2016!

So I am ready and feeling great about my Chicago half this weekend!  I can’t believe it, in a week, I’ll have 4 halfs under my belt with 3 more to go!  I feel like I finally have the recipe right:

1. Nutrition – I am eating way better than ever
2. Sleep – I am sleeping 8 hours a night
3. Run/Walk – I finally gave the run/walk method a shot and I am faster and quicker than ever
4. Speed training
5. Cross and Strength Training
6. Rowing

I often get asked what do you think about on that long run? I honestly think about the next step.  I have to be thoughtful and deliberate for 25,000 steps.  If not I can fall, I can trip, my foot may invert.  For those 25,000 steps, I am thankful I got one foot on the floor and am getting ready for the next.  I think about every step. There have been times that I know my mind wants to freeze, but I tell myself you can do it…just keep moving…and I do…So when everyone talks about the proverbial wall, I hit that wall with every step and choose to break through it.

Training can often feel like a full time job but I know my ability to run is a gift.  A BIG gift – A MIRACLE!  DBS made me who I am today.  I have had emotional and physical ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade this miracle in for the world!  I would love to ask each and every one of you reading this blog to donate $10 to the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation.  Doing so, can create other miracles, bigger miracles than the ones that happen for me every weekend.  Please Donate here for me, for every child that dreamed of running and now has a chance to with research and science.  Thank you for reading and thank you for donating!

Brooklyn Half 2016 – done and in the books!

I trained hard for this race, I didn’t rush my training in the end.  I paced the training – I ran, I lifted, I rowed, I did  yoga.  I had a squad of other caribbean women that reminded me to train daily and if one of us wasn’t in the mood, we encouraged each other to lace up and just run.  Get a squad they are the best to help you train and be focused!

I was ready. I went to bed at 9pm on Friday night, I laid everything out, I was prepared.

Saturday – I woke up at 5a.m., got ready, hopped on the train with 100s of other like minded people and jammed to some Beyonce…to calm the chatter, to stop with the I can’t and focus on being fierce and strong like some of the songs on Bey’s album.  I saw my friends pre-race and that was encouraging and calming to see the faces of my squad that also trained so hard!

GOAL: I set a goal for myself, I told myself if you can match your PR of 2:43 you are a winner, you would be so proud of yourself!

RESULT: I started off strong, but I held back. I didn’t go hard at the beginning.  I decided leave it to mile 11 and then go for it!  I had 3 different pace times on my devices and was so confused, so I just decided screw it, just run…net result- 2:30!!!  Not only did I PR but I drop my 2016 time by 21 minutes.  I will never win the race, but I know I am a runner!!!

All my dystonia friends, please set a goal, whether is a 1K or 50 steps and go for it! It’s not easy in the process, but the result with training is amazing!

xoxo