April 4, 2013

Happy Anniversary, Happy Birthday

7 years ago…

I look forward to this day more than any other day of the year.  This is the day where I cherish my heart, my courage, my tenacity and my strength.  This is the day when I feel nothing can hurt me, nothing can break me down…this is the day 7 years ago I had 2 holes drilled in my head and still laughed, still made jokes and treated April 4, 2006 as though it was my last.

I’ll be honest, I remember going into that surgery thinking, how will I look in a wheelchair…this surgery won’t work, how will it? No one can tell me why it does…but I may as well have fun with it that day.  I woke up, I smiled, I saw 7 inches of hair fall to the ground, smelled the bone of my skull being torn apart with a drill, but I saw relief…relief knowing that I had done all I could do and DBS was my last shot…It will like being in OT with 3 seconds left and I had to make the 3 pointer….would I?  Who knows but take the shot!!!!

In the past, I usually thank everyone who helped me through the bad days, through the snow storms, through the denial of the disease but today I want to celebrate me.  I want to acknowledge it takes strength to make a decision like mine.  This anniversary may mean more to me because of the last several years….7 years and 5 surgeries later…I have had many highs and many lows.  Dystonia and DBS have played their hide and seek games with me…3 battery replacements and one wire replacement have been completely heartbreaking but have also made me stronger and ready for the next setback.  This last fall, when I had to be turned off may have been the worse but here I am….7 years later, 1 marathon, 2 half marathons and countless 10Ks later, mud races, TRX classes, hikes — I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world!

It has taken me seven years for when people say you inspire me to reply with a simple thank you.  

It has taken me 7 years to refer to myself as an athlete.

It has taken me 7 years to learn a day off is not a sign of weakness.  

It has taken me 7 years to learn not everyone is made to run a marathon.

It has taken me 7 years to realize being last still means, I laced up and ran the race.

It has taken me 7 years when in a workout class to say I have to modify, I have Dystonia.

It has taken me 7 years to realize its okay to ask for help, it means I am strong.

It has taken me 7 years to ask for a hand on a hike and not be embarrassed.

It has taken me 7 years to realize I am beautiful inside and out what people see..not the  monster Dystonia, I think they see.

It has taken me 7 years to touch my scars every morning and appreciate the miracle they have brought to me…

It has taken my 7 years to not stop believing…I haven’t stop thinking I can’t inspire friends and strangers to run for the Dystonia cause.

It will take me 7 more to continue the fight and I will not stop spreading the word to help find a cure…

Please do your part and donate to my next half marathon to help find a cure for Dystonia…


and 7 years later I still cry at this screen when I write this anniversary blog, because there is nothing about April 4, 2006 I will ever, ever forget.

Happy Birthday to me!


One thought on “April 4, 2013

  1. Happy anniversary! I’ve carried my diagnosis for 10 years and 1 month, having the holes drilled almost 5 years ago. I’m a work in progress. I pulled my hamstring 2 weeks ago, but am still hoping to run my first Marathon in May. I made it to 16 miles during a workout feeling strong. This entry is inspiring – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! So many days I feel defeated… Thank you for this!

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