March 30, 2014

And the countdown begins…

So tomorrow begins my 6th surgery journey since I decided to embark on this journey 8 years ago.  Pre Op makes the surgery start becoming very real, it’s no longer a hypothetical but a realization that the train has left the station.

On April 4th, 2006, I had two holes drilled in my head not knowing what the outcome would be.  And here we are 8 years later, so many miles logged, so many races ran, so many people inspired and yet I am somewhat scared for the next 11 days…I have eleven more days of being super careful, 11 more days of being a little shakey, 11 more days until I get “recharged”.  DBS has changed my life, given my life, however when the batteries start dying, it is not fun at all.  People ask my what does it feel like?  I am highly emotional (and not in a good way), my body gets confused not knowing from one moment to the next what’s going to happen.  I start to have bad dreams….like the surgery won’t work and I just got lucky for the last 8 years.  My mind starts racing in a thousand directions and I have to stop and breathe, realize that not only am I getting a new battery but I am also getting an upgrade.  I am going from the original iPhone to an iPhone5S!  But let’s be real, surgery is surgery.  It is not fun.  All those plans I made for the next 6 weeks – gone, cancelled.  Dystonia and batteries failing don’t happen on a schedule it happens when it happens.  And I am realizing this is what Dystonia has taught me – appreciate the good and don’t dwell on the bad.  It always gets better, I just need to be patient.  

I always remember this week, 8 years ago, waking up every morning and wondering am I making the right decision, what if things didn’t work out and then remembering I would not be any worse off…So as ironic as it is that 8 years later I am planning yet another surgery which may be frustrating and hard to go through, I have to remember that DBS, Medtronic and friends and family have helped me get through 5 surgeries and I will get through this one as well.  So to the start of the less than 2 week countdown…here we go!

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