Month: May 2013

Lessons learned…

I am always getting the feedback your posts are so happy, you defy Dystonia, DBS has been your miracle…well as much as I am a robot, I have many emotions and fearful episodes of doubt too…

On my recent trip to Belize my best friend and I decide it would be a great idea to go visit some ruins and go cave swimming.  Ruins were slightly disappointing and we were ready to move on to the cave swimming.  In our typical travel fashion, we just book and don’t really ask questions…which always ends up with one of us asking the other what did we get ourselves into?

We were off to cave swimming, unbeknownst to us this would include walking a short trail for about 10 minutes and then somewhat of an arduous hike to get to the cave…there was a slight climb involved using roots as leverage and then several rocky passes where we just walked in our socks for fear of slipping.   When we got to the first rocky piece, I felt the anxiety set in, the doubts, the “carrie  just stop here let her go and stay back”…I ignored that first thought, then the root climb came up shortly thereafter and I felt the tears come in my eyes….”I can’t do this”…then I tried and made it…then the third obstacle came and I just blurted out “Times, like this I miss him”.  I recently just lost my third hand, my helping hand, the person that would always hike with me and help me, without me even saying I need help, he would just know…and as I blurted that out, I felt the tears set in and I quickly wiped them away no one wants a Debbie Downer on a tropical vacation. 

It was right after that comment, we saw the opening to the cave, the one we would have to climb several more rocks to get to and I was tired.  Rafael our tour guide was quite the humorous one letting us know the vampire bats were coming to get us.  Needless to say the hike was worth it, swimming in a bat cave miles and miles under a mountain may be one of the coolest things ever…but I have to be honest part of the cave floating was laughing and part was constant fear.  Fear of how am I going to get back to the tour bus?  My legs were extremely tired and I just knew I couldn’t do this on my own.  I had no choice but to say to the tour guide – I have to ask for your hand, I have a disease and the down part of a hike is the hardest, will you help me? (what was my alternative, living with the bats?)  So we took our time down and he gave me his hand every step of the way.  The irony though, was I did slip at then end on a flat slippery piece the one time I said I could do it…tricky, tired legs!

After a drink that night, my friend said to my – I was so surprised at your strength and how you were going after it, why the self doubt?  I knew you had it and I was looking out for you.  Don’t you see we all look out for you? And to be honest, I hadn’t looked at it that way…I looked at it that I have to rely on the help of strangers now or modify some of my habits.  My Dystonia became very real on this trip.  I am stronger physically and mentally learning how to ask for help is getting a little easier as time goes on.  I am glad I pushed through, I am glad I asked for help, seeing my best friend squeal about vampire bats while cave swimming was priceless.

As I embark on my first half marathon of the year in a couple of days, I sadly sprained my ankle yesterday while getting off a boat, I thought I could do it and didn’t take the offered hand…lesson learned, take the hand silly!  So I am aggressively icing and taking lots of ibuprofen hoping to heal by Sunday… I may not make the best time but I am hoping to get it done.  Please cheer for me on Sunday as I run the San Diego Rock n Roll marathon!  And as always please, please donate…without my DBS, cave swimming would only have been a fantasy! 

If you want to follow my run, please click on this link and sign up for alerts!

https://www.competitorwireless.com/?event_type=rnr

Happy Mother’s Day…

I have been very lucky to have a mother who has been there through good times and hung on through bad…My mother has been the one that was there when the wires were put in my head and the person that held my hair back when my first neurostimulators were put in and I couldn’t stop vomiting for two days.  She was there the first day when I was 11 and knew something was wrong.  She was there when I told her I just hurt my foot and she didn’t believe me.  She was there that night when my little 12 year old body was so tight that I couldn’t fall asleep.  I remember that night like it was yesterday, I remember her holding me and just telling me to breathe and try to relax.  I remember that after her holding me for hours I woke up in her arms after that dystonic spell was over.  As a mother of two children with Dystonia, mother’s day is almost every day…a day of worry and a daily call saying mom “hi”.  Many don’t realize us Dystonia kids have our challenges, episodes of freezing, episodes of falling and episodes of tremors.  So my mom is just as special as her two daughters with a rare disease, for raising such strong and independent women,  My mom never said no, she has always just said do what you can do…So again, whenever I run, she is also there with me letting me know whatever I do, I did my best.  Thanks mom!

Thankful

I woke up this morning just feeling very thankful for all the family and friends that I have in my life.  I keep my cane in my car trunk and see it everyday when I go to pull out my gym bag.  It reminded me yesterday that my running is not only a product of my own hard work but also for those of you that cheer me on from near and far.  I am thankful that my parents have always supported me in crazy endeavors.  I am happy friends have always offered and enjoyed to run with me at my pace.  And I am thankful for all of you who believe in me.  The cane is always a constant reminder of how not to take life for granted and to enjoy each workout like it was my first.  And my tri medal which now sleeps with me, reminds me how proper training, family and friends and sometimes even the help of strangers can help me truly feel like I am a living miracle.

So today, is all about thanks.  I have a half marathon in less than a month…Please don’t forget to donate so others get a chance to have a miracle as well!

http://dystonia.donorshops.com/product/grapehalfmarathon/runcarrierun.php

Today is definitely one of my top athletic days!

My morning started at 9am getting body marked for my first triathlon!  My good friend Heather asked me to run a relay in the Wildflower Tri, to which I was like of course; and then after was like what was I thinking? But then it all came together this morning, when I was getting my number marked on my hand…but before I tell you all about my AMAZING day, let’s step back a day…

I said yes without even knowing anything abut the race…So yesterday I learned it was about a 3 hour drive south and then you drive on to a village of tents..with hundreds of sporty spices with bikes and wet suits walking around…what was I doing here? I don’t have the right, I am no athlete…The day was hot, really hot…so I was hydrating anticipating heat today (sunday)..but that didn’t happen.  I woke really early this am to a cold fifty degrees…wow what happened…

I got dressed and headed down with the rest of the athletes, cold, concerned and still questioning my right to be with all these triathletes.  We had quite a wait since my relay partner couldn’t start swimming until 10:50 am and we waited and I was cold, very very cold…at one point i couldn’t feel my fingers or toes and according to my calculations I wouldn’t start to run until at least 1pm….But as I waited I saw the guy with 1 leg, the girl with 1 arm emerge from the swim and thought to myself, why can’t I do a tri one day?  Balance issues? These athletes are lacking a limb and they are going for it, why can’t I?  So finally my friend Heather jumps in and starts her swim, she gets it done and she hands the chip to Chad and he bikes…then around 1ish he returns and Heather slips the chip on my ankle…and I am off…but before I do, I say Heather I should be done in and hour and  a half…so i’ll see you at the finish!

Slow and steady I tell myself…everyone told me, this course is hard…set of rolling hills, so I I start off slow but strong, not stopping but just slowing down when I need to catch a breath.  You aren’t allowed to use headphones, so listening to my own breath rattled my run…then came the hill…the one everyone told me to walk…and I did and for a second I thought, I can’t do this…then I saw a sign “endurance” and I realized I have endurance….keep on going…

So I did, then at marker 6K my right foot really started paining and as I started to listen to my own thoughts, this woman runs by me and whispers…”don’t give up girl, you have this”..and I respond heck yeah…and I just start to run, pain and all.  I realized I had others relying on me, not only on the course but in my handicapped world in general…People reading this blog, who smile when they read it or get inspired and lace up to be their own athlete…so the jets kicked in and I attacked the last mile down hill…Right before I see the finish line, I inevitably cramp up, but who cares I tell myself, run through it you are almost there….

So how does this story end, I ran quicker than 1:30, ran a 12:50 pace, so awesome for me…and I am on my way to being a triathlete…I realized I won’t come in last in a race and finally realized somewhere on the course today, I AM AN ATHLETE!