Author: Carrie Siubutt

Happy Bday!!!  Today is the 6th year of my new life!  I can barely contain my excitement and how happy I am for this day everyday!  Thank you everyone for believing, for running, and for cheering me on in all my crazy sporty adventures.  This blog is about celebrating life and miracles!

Someone once told me everytime you fall, you become stronger.  I have to say that’s not necessarily true for a Dystonia patient.  Everytime you fall you think – is my battery dying? is my Dystonia getting worse?  Will my loved one still want to be in this game with me….Welcome to Dystonia 101!

I have to say I look at my medals every night before I go to bed, they remind me how strong I am and then a day like today when I fall in front of colleagues and start to cry reminds me that I am still a Dystonia patient.  I have to remind myself it is okay to cry, it is okay to be a little angry, but it is not okay to wallow in self pity.

My pity party ends at 12:01, new day, new smile!

New Year, New Adventures!

This year I decided that I am going to try new things – Winter/Spring will be Snowboarding; Summer, Fall – Bike Riding.  I decided that 2011 was about training and completing a marathon and this year is about trying different sporting adventures without damaging and putting my body under more stress.  Sometimes you also experience something or meet someone that makes you realize that you don’t have to prove you are a hero all the time by doing crazy ridiculous feats.  I am excited to learn new things and despite the yearning to sometimes lace up and run 10 miles, I am excited this weekend to go to a class with 5 year olds that will teach me humility on the slopes!

This year my blog will be about trying new things despite living with Dystonia.  New adventures, here I come!

Gratitude. Reflection.

I am so thankful for everything 2011 has brought me.  2011 tested my strength, my willingness to take risks and the faith to believe in myself.  2011, started with a race in central park and it ended with my completion of my first marathon.  I am so grateful for everyone that has helped me along the way and cheered me on.  I know for many of you; it was hard to see me put my body through the training and the race but as I knew, you were there for me post race while my body recovered.  I often get asked would I do it again, and the answer is absolutely!  Will I do another one? Absolutely not!  My goal wasn’t to run 26.2 miles it was to run to raise awareness and inspire others.

I inspired my greatest cheerleader – my sister!  She set a goal to walk her first 5K and that goal was completed on December 10th, 2011.  I surprised my sister in Gainesville to walk  her first 5K with her.  I truly have to say it was one of the best memories I will cherish forever.  For the entire family to cheer Suzie on was incredible.  20+ surgeries later she crossed her finish line!

Team Suzie Superstars did it!  We crossed the finish line in about an hour and to see Suzie accomplish her goal was priceless!

December always makes me reflect, what happened and what’s to come.  I feel like the richest person some days.  Sitting here in India reflecting on what’s important to me, made me realize, I am truly wealthy.  I have surrounded myself with some of the world’s greatest friends, feel truly loved everyday and have an amazing family that never stands in front of me pursuing my dreams.

2011 was all about making changes and learning to love myself.  I am excited to see what’s in store in 2012 and for any Dystonia patient reading this right now.  Celebrate the good and bad days.  Stay strong and own the disease, never ever let the disease tell you what you can’t do; you tell the disease what you can do!

Happy Holidays to you and all of your families!

Some marathon reflections…

This was my motto during the marathon…

These were my angels…the women that helped me achieve a dream

Finisher….26.2 miles…completed

Lessons learned…

I am very proud of my accomplishment, proud I am now in the top elite of those who can say they have run and completed a marathon.  I am proud of the money I raised and the awareness I spread…I am proud that I got it done, stress fracture, bummed knee and all – I did it to inspire and help kids realized that dreams do come true…

But on the flip side there are many repercussions that I am suffering because of all the stress I put on my body.  My body is still in shock, I have had numerous physical ailments – foot and knee…and some slight tremors have reoccurred in my right hand.  I have sacrificed my body and have many loved ones concerned of the stress because of my selfish quest to complete a marathon.  My body is slowly recovering but I have learned a big lesson through this journey – I need to care more about my body and realize my limitations.  October 9, 2011- a miracle happened.  October 9, 2011 – I ran my first marathon.  October 9, 2011 – I ran my last marathon. October 9, 2011 – I learned how and why I need to take care of myself.

 

I can officially say I am a ROCKSTAR!! more to come on the marathon, but I finished and I am so proud of myself. 26.2 you rocked my world…I hope I raised awareness for Dystonia and I can truly say I did it!

Thanks again for all the love and support it is overwhelming and I am exhausted, I will get through all emails and texts soon!

lots of love –

Carrie

it’s here!  the day I have been dreaming about for so long…if you are reading this please send me good thoughts, this will not be easy but I am a fighter and I am prepared to fight for this….however the race ends, I know I truly did my best and I am thankful I was able to say the word “marathon” so many times this year 🙂  Thanks to my best friend Liz for raising money, between both of us we raised approximately $24K with all matching donations….Thanks to everyone that donated and thanks to everyone in advance that will be cheering me on from near and far…and I reminded myself this morning smile and have fun with this.  Miles 1-25 are for Suzie, friends, kids with dystonia, and mile 25 – 26.2 is for me…I often forget to celebrate myself but I decided today mile 25-26.2 is for MY strength, MY tenacity and MY ability to take the insurmountable and manage to come through the other end with a smile.

See you at the finish line!

This is it.

I am heading to Chicago in less than 24 hours and am trying to put my finger on my current emotional state – excited, nervous, happy, apprehensive..I am excited to be going to run my first marathon and I am spending more time reflecting on how I was pre-surgery…it wasn’t easy living in my body pre-dbs and it was at times painful and uncomfortable.  To be able to get on this flight to run this race, is truly a miracle of modern science…as I reflected today I remembered to re-read my stanford essay — this was the last paragraph…

In response to the question “What Matters Most to Me”: Each day matters to me, even the bad ones; my family, my friends, my health and my career matter, in that order.    Despite all my frustrations, I can always sit back and remind myself that I have been very successful in my career and I know the best is yet to come.  I still daydream about running a marathon and hope that one day they will find a cure for Dystonia.  What matters most?  I want to win this fight.  I want to destroy this monster that has attacked my body.  And if I don’t, so be it.  I’m the lucky one.

As far as I am concerned, I have already won the fight…if you see me on the course this weekend, please high five me, if you see my cry hand me a tissue, those are tears of gratitude of being able to run a marathon.

Thank you to everyone for all the kind words of encouragement.  This race isn’t for me, it is for everyone that isn’t as lucky as me, it is for Brianna, it is for every child, parent and family member that has seen this disease change lives.  For me, this disease has helped me grow into the runner I am today!

And most of all thank you to my sister Suzie who is always cheering me on and inspires me everyday when she hops on the treadmill….

Good things come to those who wait…

I have been waiting for 26.2 for the last 25 years…bring it Chicago! bring it!

The countdown begins, I wake up telling myself I can do this! and I will!

For everyone that has been emailing or reaching out to me this week, THANK YOU!  this is a team effort and I have everyone who believes in me running on Sunday!

Friends and believing in myself!

Marathon training has been a journey, many ups and many downs.  But my cheering squad has helped me throughout my training.  Every mile, every step I have to think about – land my foot properly, don’t over exert yourself, don’t aggravate your Dystonia.  What many often don’t know is that every step is a conscious thought..next week I will run my longest run yet 6 hours…and today I woke up with some foot pain and some knee pain but I am so close I can see the finish line.  I decided that this morning will be my last run and I know I can do this next week.

I want to thank every text, email, post on this blog, wall message on my Facebook – I couldn’t have done this without any of you.  You all reading this have no idea how you have made me the runner I am today and the marathon star I will become.  I joke and say I will wear my medal for a week…but I probably will.  10 years ago when I wrote in my bschool essay that it will be a miracle if I ever have the chance to run a marathon…well that miracle is very close and this blog is just to thank everyone who has given me love and support on this journey.

Thank you!

My video of the week…