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Happy Mother’s Day…

I have been very lucky to have a mother who has been there through good times and hung on through bad…My mother has been the one that was there when the wires were put in my head and the person that held my hair back when my first neurostimulators were put in and I couldn’t stop vomiting for two days.  She was there the first day when I was 11 and knew something was wrong.  She was there when I told her I just hurt my foot and she didn’t believe me.  She was there that night when my little 12 year old body was so tight that I couldn’t fall asleep.  I remember that night like it was yesterday, I remember her holding me and just telling me to breathe and try to relax.  I remember that after her holding me for hours I woke up in her arms after that dystonic spell was over.  As a mother of two children with Dystonia, mother’s day is almost every day…a day of worry and a daily call saying mom “hi”.  Many don’t realize us Dystonia kids have our challenges, episodes of freezing, episodes of falling and episodes of tremors.  So my mom is just as special as her two daughters with a rare disease, for raising such strong and independent women,  My mom never said no, she has always just said do what you can do…So again, whenever I run, she is also there with me letting me know whatever I do, I did my best.  Thanks mom!

Thankful

I woke up this morning just feeling very thankful for all the family and friends that I have in my life.  I keep my cane in my car trunk and see it everyday when I go to pull out my gym bag.  It reminded me yesterday that my running is not only a product of my own hard work but also for those of you that cheer me on from near and far.  I am thankful that my parents have always supported me in crazy endeavors.  I am happy friends have always offered and enjoyed to run with me at my pace.  And I am thankful for all of you who believe in me.  The cane is always a constant reminder of how not to take life for granted and to enjoy each workout like it was my first.  And my tri medal which now sleeps with me, reminds me how proper training, family and friends and sometimes even the help of strangers can help me truly feel like I am a living miracle.

So today, is all about thanks.  I have a half marathon in less than a month…Please don’t forget to donate so others get a chance to have a miracle as well!

http://dystonia.donorshops.com/product/grapehalfmarathon/runcarrierun.php

Today is definitely one of my top athletic days!

My morning started at 9am getting body marked for my first triathlon!  My good friend Heather asked me to run a relay in the Wildflower Tri, to which I was like of course; and then after was like what was I thinking? But then it all came together this morning, when I was getting my number marked on my hand…but before I tell you all about my AMAZING day, let’s step back a day…

I said yes without even knowing anything abut the race…So yesterday I learned it was about a 3 hour drive south and then you drive on to a village of tents..with hundreds of sporty spices with bikes and wet suits walking around…what was I doing here? I don’t have the right, I am no athlete…The day was hot, really hot…so I was hydrating anticipating heat today (sunday)..but that didn’t happen.  I woke really early this am to a cold fifty degrees…wow what happened…

I got dressed and headed down with the rest of the athletes, cold, concerned and still questioning my right to be with all these triathletes.  We had quite a wait since my relay partner couldn’t start swimming until 10:50 am and we waited and I was cold, very very cold…at one point i couldn’t feel my fingers or toes and according to my calculations I wouldn’t start to run until at least 1pm….But as I waited I saw the guy with 1 leg, the girl with 1 arm emerge from the swim and thought to myself, why can’t I do a tri one day?  Balance issues? These athletes are lacking a limb and they are going for it, why can’t I?  So finally my friend Heather jumps in and starts her swim, she gets it done and she hands the chip to Chad and he bikes…then around 1ish he returns and Heather slips the chip on my ankle…and I am off…but before I do, I say Heather I should be done in and hour and  a half…so i’ll see you at the finish!

Slow and steady I tell myself…everyone told me, this course is hard…set of rolling hills, so I I start off slow but strong, not stopping but just slowing down when I need to catch a breath.  You aren’t allowed to use headphones, so listening to my own breath rattled my run…then came the hill…the one everyone told me to walk…and I did and for a second I thought, I can’t do this…then I saw a sign “endurance” and I realized I have endurance….keep on going…

So I did, then at marker 6K my right foot really started paining and as I started to listen to my own thoughts, this woman runs by me and whispers…”don’t give up girl, you have this”..and I respond heck yeah…and I just start to run, pain and all.  I realized I had others relying on me, not only on the course but in my handicapped world in general…People reading this blog, who smile when they read it or get inspired and lace up to be their own athlete…so the jets kicked in and I attacked the last mile down hill…Right before I see the finish line, I inevitably cramp up, but who cares I tell myself, run through it you are almost there….

So how does this story end, I ran quicker than 1:30, ran a 12:50 pace, so awesome for me…and I am on my way to being a triathlete…I realized I won’t come in last in a race and finally realized somewhere on the course today, I AM AN ATHLETE!

I have no words…I won’t stop running….please take a moment to honor those brave runners and heroes of today’s Boston Marathon…

I won’t stop running, I won’t stop believing!  Today’s events have made me so sad and so angry.  Today was so many peoples’ dreams…Boston, the runners’ mecca…every runners’ hopes and dreams.  People work really, really hard to get to this race..then today happened…But like every tragedy, peoples’ spirits won’t be broken, in fact it will be strengthened…

And then after my bootcamp class today something ironic happened.  I had on my Chicago Marathon jacket and this woman stopped and said did you run Chicago and I smiled and said yes, she nodded and said very cool…I felt a little guilty for smiling and saying to myself you have no idea how cool it is and was that I ran a marathon.

So I am even more motivated to be better and train harder to run my next half marathon..to get my mileage in, to not give up…to be a better athlete, to give it my all, to be okay not having that last drink and saying sorry I have my 10 mile run tomorrow.  Training has now become my first priority…running for those that can’t, is why I was placed on this earth, to show people that disabled people can run…and not only can they run, they can run marathons…So if any one who is reading this knows someone who may have become disabled because of this tragedy, tell them to write me, email me, or run with me….Disabled people can run, prosthetics and all…It is never about your pace or time, it is all about lacing up, smiling, believing in your strength and crossing the finish line!

So to all my runners in Boston, congrats for lacing up and running.. To all the injured, your life isn’t over, it just may mean you may need to work harder which makes the finish line even sweeter..BOSTON, you have only strengthened my desire to runner better and harder!

My legacy….

In a series of twists and turns of life, I have started thinking of what do I want others to remember about me.  Is it that I went to a great grad school? was a good friend? worked 80 hours a week?  or was it simply I made an impact in a life….

I have started learning that all I want to leave on this world is that I made a difference in someone’s life…that I inspired my sister to run a 5k, that I taught someone that a handicap person can still rock it out on the top of her career, that cane or not, it is what is inside not what people see on the outside.  

My journey with Dystonia has been one that I often fought, resented and even gave up on. But somewhere deep down I have always been able to stand back up and brush myself off.  Go into the next surgery knowing it will all be okay or be thankful for the time I have had to run races.  

So what do I want to be remembered by?  I want everyone to remember that I stopped fighting Dystonia and learned to live with it.

To accept my new legs, and run every race like it was going to be my last but knowing I inspired someone that day to take an extra step or sign up for a 5k.

As I train for my upcoming race, please be inspired to sign up for a race and raise awareness for Dystonia!

Excuses, excuses…

I recently moved and just found in the unpacking exercise my foot brace.  Many may ask why do you carry it around?  It reminds me how far I have come and how proud I should be of myself.  I am always so hard on myself – Carrie why can’t you go quicker, Carrie why can’t you run today?  That day happened yesterday – I did sprint training on thursday, then went on a rigorous hike on Friday, and then could barely even run yesterday…what happened.  Couple of thoughts – I was the last person on the hike and was by myself and that made me a little sad and a little self-conscious….but then I realized, hey I was hiking…be thankful!  Then yesterday when i couldn’t really run, I said to myself, hey, I did a lot this week without a day off of course my little legs are tired…it happens dystonia or not…so this morning when I saw the brace, I started crying because I realized how far I have come…how far I have to go….and you know what there is a big celebration coming up…April 4….so I will save some of my thoughts for my favorite day of the year!