January 18th, 2011

Posted on by Carrie Siubutt

Disabled, Handicapped, Crippled, Retarded.

These labels used to swirl around my head often when I think about Dystonia.  I have to say after much work, I don’t let these labels get to me.  I have been given a challenge that makes life interesting.  Today, I had a challenge training session when I admitted to my Equinox trainer that my left hand was contorting a little.    So we modified, lighter weights, more reps…

Modifications, limitations – these are labels I now use.  I don’t let Dystonia get to me.  So worse case I can’t run a marathon on my two feet, maybe I modify and complete it in a wheelchair.  I need to let my brain work with the DBS; not against it.

I am going to the doctor next week and hopefully this terminator will get a great tune up.  But either way, life has a way of presenting challenges daily…the question is do you sit there and cry or do you attack the situation with a game plan to modify.  We all have limitations that’s fine to admit, but never dismiss your life to a label others call you…define your life…and dream…no dream is too big!

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December 26th, 2010

Posted on by Carrie Siubutt

2010.  Falling, learning, standing stronger. 2011

2010 was such a year of learnings about limitations, modifying, reminding myself I am bigger than this hill everyday and admitting I just can’t do it without my cheering squad.  I am the person I am because of my friends and family, they are my foundation.  They remind me that as much as I am the “Terminator” part robot part human, the human part is the part I need to take care of.  My fan club is my greatest strength of motivation and my best reality check.  Days when I want to pretend that THAT limp isn’t back or I don’t have a slight tremor, they are the ones that remind me to modify and not push.  Humility.

This week I had a tremor episode at work and was so embarrassed at work to be shaky that I started to panic because I didn’t want people to say “OMG, she is such a freak”; of course the complete opposite happened.  Everyone was very encouraging and offered support and words of encouragement.  Lesson learned – getting tremors is part of my Dystonia life.   People don’t think of me any differently.  I need to get unstuck in my own head.  Acceptance.

2010.  Life has a way of giving us gifts that are unplanned.  Where I am and what I have accomplished is not what/where I thought I would be – it is better!  I am challenging myself in new ways – professionally, personally, athletically and growing in ways I didn’t know were still possible.  Open Mind.

As I think about what I want to achieve next year, as always on the list will be the proverbial 10 pounds, to work out every day, but more importantly it is just having an open heart and be open to what life is going to throw in my way every day.  Life is not what says in Outlook, it is what happens every day as I leave my apartment in the morning.  I just need to remember to be true to myself, to be honest with others  and remember that “I am bigger than this hill everyday”.

I would like to thank my mom, dad and sister – Suzie for constantly supporting my crazy ideas and are constantly cheering for me.  Carolyne (“coach”) and Liz(“rev”) for being a part of my Mud adventure, we are bonded by this experience forever.  Both of you crazy chicks constantly carry me to the finish line and you believed in me when everyone else just thought “give it a shot”; you both knew I could do it.   The 900 NM Equinox team – Jason, Drew, AJ, Dawn and the rest of the team, you encourage me to dream bigger every day.  Thanks to the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation for believing in me and allowing me to run these races on behalf of your foundation.  Thanks.

2010 – You were great! 2011 I KNOW you are going to be amazing!!!!!

 

October 5, 2010…

Posted on by Carrie Siubutt

It’s all about your cheering squad.   It’s all about saying thanks!  With less than 3 days to go before the big race, I would like to say thanks to my squad.  First and foremost my Equinox family – THANK YOU!  This really is the best gym in the country…you can’t get better group fitness classes and facilities but more than those tangible items, its the intangibles.  It is the smile at the front desk in the morning.  It is the staff and instructors that help me modify my training.  I would like to thank the entire staff at 900 North Michigan – Jason, don, lisa, the entire front desk staff, Lois, Julie, Antonio, Michael, Jen, Tonya for all of their amazing classes.  I would like to thank them for helping me dig deep to believe I can do it!  I know that I am ready to attack the race and every time I think I won’t be able to, I will remember my entire Equinox family sitting on my shoulder all believing I can!  When I cross that finish line, I know that I will hear all of them clapping in the stands!  Thank you all for believing in me!

I also want to thank my girls Liz and Carolyne…but that will have to be another blog…after we run through mud, run through fire and climb walls….lets just hope we  don’t break any bones!

September 21, 2010

Posted on by Carrie Siubutt

I rarely say that I am that person that just walks home smiling but today was that day! I am so lucky to be healthy and have the opportunity and the determination to put my mind to enter this tough mudder event.  I am so excited to see my training at Equinox pay off.   As I approach my fifth year anniversary of my DBS in six months I am truly thankful for the miracles of science, Medtronic and my amazing doctors – Dr. Tagliati and Dr. Alterman.  And I am truly, truly thankful for Carolyne and Liz for believing in me and being amazing friends!  Lastly, today while doing those final 20 pushups, I realized I was my own greatest enemy and that I could complete those last 20 — 100 pushups done and done!  (well maybe 95)!

August 22, 2010

Posted on by Carrie Siubutt

10K – done and done!!!! I finished!!!  It wasn’t easy, I can’t lie. I definitely have some sort of stress fracture and won’t take care of it until after tough mudder.  I am so thrilled to say that I was happy with my mental energy believing in myself. I started out strong and by mile 3, I felt the “I can’ts” kick in…it didn’t last for too long though, I remembered why I was running.  I remembered it was about me, it was about every person that has always told me that I couldn’t, it was for the staff at equinox that tells me hello everyday when I walk in to train and it is for my own personal fan club.  I thank all of you for believing in me, when I start doubting my strength, I think of all of you and I take a breathe, smile, cry and run away!

Next up – half marathon on Sept. 12th

August 18, 2010

Posted on by Carrie Siubutt

My fan club..that’s my inspiration daily to get it done!  I love working out because I can.  Others complain and moan about it, I love heading to the gym every day because it is my second home, my family!  Everyday when I walk into an Equinox to get my daily workout, I look forward to seeing the faces of Jason, Rayme, Lois, Tonya, Don, Fabienne, Lisa, their smiles greet me to my second home!  To the minute I am told to “have a great workout”, I get down to business.  My half marathon is in less than a month and I am running for everyone that can’t.  But on  a daily basis, the team at Equinox gets me going, they make me want to go back..they cheer me on!  and for that I am thankful!  Find your daily cheering squad, it makes it more fun!  and to the Equinox 900 team…thank you, you inspire me and make me want to be a better athlete!!!